Love Ridden
by kmmwilson
Summary: it is a songfic (my first ever fanfic) : Relena has waited too long and gives up on Heero


Love Ridden  
  
  
AN: Well, here goes .... This is my first attempt to write a fanfic, please be gentle. I have never ever thought of being able to write this stuff, I usually write journal-type thingies. And I have a question for all you readers... what do you think compels people to write fanfiction?  
  
Disclaimers: I do not own Gundam Wing (*quietly sobs in a corner*) and the wonderful song "Love Ridden" is by the talented Fiona Apple.  
  
And now....  
  
Title: Love Ridden  
By: Sunset124  
\......../ : lyrics  
  
  
Five years. Five years of the peace, of the tiresome job, of the endless stack of paperwork, of the fake smiles at overly-elegant parties, and five years of the heartbreaking loneliness. The world seem to move on and leave the past far behind. Yet the one person who helped establish the peace by sacrificing her youthful days of gossip and freedom, held a tie to the past which she almost feared to part with. At one point in Relena's life, her heart was filled with love and hope, but the days of giving and giving and giving took its toll. To her, her heart felt as if it were filled with emptiness and the beats were merely hollow echoes of the past.  
  
Heero Yuy. Just his name would bring the most stunning of smiles to the solemn face of the regal Minister. For a second, she would slip back to those memories of him pulling her near, the chocolate colored teddy bearshe received as a gift, even to those times he swore to take her life, she just wanted him on her mind, always. She started to realize the pure obsession she had for him, but it was oh so much more. She truly loved him. The suicidal gundam pilot with the untamable hair and the eyes deeper than the ocean, was the only one to ever claim a place in Relena's heart.   
  
  
\Love ridden, I've looked at you  
  
With the focus I gave to my birthday candles.   
  
I've wished on the lidded blue flames  
  
Under your brow  
  
And baby, I wished for you./  
  
  
Suddenly, she found that he was the only thing on her mind. Even in her important meetings, she would daydream of the day he would come back to her. Then about their first chaste kiss and how their wedding would be praised for years. She could picture the faces of their children. Then reality would hit, and she realized he hadn't been in her life for five whole years. She would look back on her fantasies and laugh, maybe after all, she still had a part of that teenager in her.  
  
  
\Nobody sees when you are lying in your bed  
  
And I wanna crawl in with you  
  
But I cry instead.  
  
I want your warm, but it will only make  
  
Me colder when it's over,  
  
So I can't tonight, baby/  
  
  
Even if Heero came back, and if he just so happen to have completely changed and returned her love, she wasn't sure she could be with him. Her heart was a fragile piece of glass. Those hands of his that she adored knew nothing about handling glass, his slightest touch may send her heart crumbling. He would leave her. It was a fact she had learned twice too many times. How could she survive the third. Five years. Five years was enough.  
  
  
\No, not baby anymore - if I need you  
  
I'll just use your simple name.  
  
Only kisses on the cheek from now on  
  
And in a little while, we'll only have to wave./  
  
  
She was through. As her last tears for Heero streamed down her face, her decisions was made. She could not last in her self-made world of torture anymore. He was not coming back. She knew it. She knew it the day he had walked away. It was just the matter if admitting it. And that day was today. Through the dark clouds, the sun finally showed its bright face. In the midst of the tears, a smile broke her lips. A light chuckle escaped. So that was what closure felt like?  
  
  
\My hand won't hold you down no more,  
  
The path is clear to follow through.   
  
I stood too long in the way of the door  
  
And now I'm giving up on you./  
  
  
She was positive she never held Heero back from anything, never made him question his actions. Yet she wanted to clear her conscience. She wanted to be free. She wanted to let go of that weight she carried for so long. Free. So many people don't understand what gift they received when they were born. Life is the most precious thing of all, who can people not see that? She knew it all too well, who she yearned to be able to walk in the park and enjoy the beauty of nature. Free.  
  
  
\No, not baby anymore - If I need you  
  
I'll just use your simple name.  
  
Only kisses on the cheek from now on  
  
And in a little while, we'll only have to wave./  
  
She bid her farewell to her best friend, the chocolate bear. She shared her goodbye for Heero with the wind. Finally, it was over. He was over.  
  
  
  
  
Well, thanks for sticking with me through that. Sorry if it was the worst thing that you ever read, I tried. Hey, practice makes perfect...wow, this is a very intense ER...if any of you watch it, I am watching the one where Mark got the brain surgery....wow. Hope you all had a wonderful New Year! See you later!  
  
  
  



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